It has been almost two years since I learnt the “Money Relationship Course”, an online spiritual course led by She Rongrong, a business woman, so called “Rong Jie”, in May 2022, and it has been one year now since I completely dropped introducing more people to be enrolled into Rong Jie’s course and commercial system. The changes, developments, and painful experiences along the journey have led to the new realisations about “Money Relationship” I have today.
About one year ago, while I was still busy with giving consultations and working hard on getting more people enrolled into Rong Jie’s course system, I felt increasingly tired with it. One the one hand, I got extremely busy with both the online business and my academic work, and felt pressured in the competing atmosphere among Rong Jie’s online course group, on the other hand, my inner peace cannot be restored with the deepenning practice of the course methods. I felt anxious, restless, tired, and stressed. It is absurd that even though as directed by Rong Jie I claim myself as a well trained spiritual teacher in “money relationship”, I myself often burst into anger and feel myself a failure when facing small issues relating to the money in my daily life. During those days, I also found myself easily addicted to watching boring videos/articles online and staying up extremely late but counldn’t get myself shift the pattern, which led to a vicious circle of guilt and shame and more self-destructive behaviours and more guilt and shame. However, one main method in leading to more healing and growth, as proposed in the course, was to get more clients for consultations and get them enrolled into her course/commercial system. Even though I can earn some money as I do all that, as the time went by I found this work depeleting and consuming, instead of nurishing or healing to me. I realised that I was actually sacrificing my precious time, energy, joy, and inner peace for money, which actually perhaps not worth it, so I stopped it and decided to take a rest to restore myself, even though I still love the giving consultation and healing part of the work.
Even though I have quit the online business selling Rong Jie’s “Money Relationship” course, her course teaching still effects me imperceptibly. In her course teaching, there is a part (Lesson 5) teaching that in order to increase one’s self-worth and self-esteem, one should get herself to experience the service and products of some luxious brands, such as going shopping or pretend shopping in some luxious shopping mall, to experience some stays in a five-star hotel, or at least a five-star afternoon tea in a luxious hotel each month, or get oneself more expensive clothes, or experience some spa or massage. The theory is that you have to first experience such luxious experiences in your heart and mind before you can really attract them in the 3-D reality, and how much money you earn actually matches your feelings of self-woth relating to such experiences. In this theory, it seems that one’s self-woth is depended on the amount of money one can spend on for him/herself and how good she/he feels when spending the money.
Since I have learnt this teaching, I found that there is a pattern inside of me which often led to regret in spending money: that I would intentionally allow myself to spend money on expensive things without careful consideration in its actual value, the impact of spending it to the people around me and the the wider community. I realised that the strong conscious intention to please myself, satisfy myself, making myself feel good and increase my “self-worth” became the main drive every time I am considering wether or not always suppressed those doubts.
Although maybe there’s a slight doubt inside of me when purchasing and afterwards, And always when I realized that I was charged far more than the normal price, been persuaded to buy the products that I never ever wanted/needed to use, then I started to regret, and often got so angry with the merchants who first market the products to me. In fact, it was not the anger that they should be blamed for, it’s me projecting my own feelings of incapability and failure towards them. In this sense, I really do not like Rong completely from my heart, and I do not feel resonating with her. I feel that she is very good at marketing and selling her things, but her products didn’t really make me more whole or complete, but just to make people comparing with each other and pursuing in the outside world, and eventually we just moved further away from our own hearts and roots.
自从我上了荣姐的金钱关系课程，我意识到我有一个内在的模式：我会故意让自己把钱花在昂贵的东西上，没有仔细考虑它的实际价值、是否对我和身边的人有益，以及对更多的家庭、社会、他人和地球母亲的影响。尽管在购买前后，我的内心可能会有轻微怀疑，但愉悦自己、满足自己、让自己感觉很好、提升“自我价值”这些强烈的意识总是会压制这些怀疑。而且当我意识到我被收取了比正常价格高得多的价格、被说服购买我根本不想要或不需要的产品时，我就开始后悔，并经常对第一个向我推销这些产品的商家感到愤怒。事实上，他们并不应该被责怪，是我把自己的无能和失败的感觉投射到他们身上了。从这个意义上说，我真的不是完全发自内心的喜欢荣姐，也感觉不到与她的同频。我觉得她很擅长营销推广，但她的产品并没有让我变得更圆满，而只是让人们相互比较和追求外在的物质的东西，最终我们会离自己的本心越来越远。